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On sparking fun, meaningful, and spontaneous friendships as an adult.
As some of you may know by now, I’ve hit my one-year mark of living in Nashville! Time has truly flown by. I’ve had the pleasure of experiencing too many adventures to count, trials, and triumphs. One thing is for certain: if it weren’t for the friends I’ve made, I don’t think I would have as positive an outlook on my time here and the city as a whole.
When moving somewhere new, you usually arrive with excitement, or at least a purpose that brought you there. Everything feels new and riveting, and you almost forget that you ever had a life in another city. Once the chaos of moving begins to stabilize, you find yourself with more time and interest in intentionally pursuing friendships.
But then comes an unexpected problem. Meeting new friends and sustaining connections feel elusive. Busy schedules, life events, mental health challenges, or even a lack of knowing where and how to start are among the barriers to forming new bonds. And that’s not even factoring in the noticeable shift from in person activities to digital ones.
Although I can’t sit here and say that I immediately felt grounded or had deep friendships in my first months in Nashville, one year later, that sentiment has shifted. I have made great friends in a variety of ways. These friends have been my joyful adventure buddies, my fellow philosophers, and my champions through tough times. I encourage you to continue reading to learn a few of my favorite ways that I’ve made friends throughout the past several years.
1. Meeting Through Mutual Friends
When I studied abroad in 2022, I wanted to experience Italy differently. I didn’t want to do just the touristy things, but immerse myself in the language, scenery, and interactions with locals.
So, I asked my mom to introduce me over text to all of her friends who lived in Europe, so I meet up with them while completing my program. I ended up making at least half a dozen connections, walking away with memories and friendships that I still keep in touch with today.
I reflected on my time abroad when I moved to Nashville, wondering if that same approach might work, and it did! When catching up with friends back in California, I would mention that I was moving to Nashville, and most people knew of friends, relatives, or colleagues who were already living there. Over the past year, I’ve met up with many of these mutual friends and gotten quite close to them.
One of the best parts of meeting through mutual friends is that you aren’t getting to know someone totally randomly, so you’re likely to have common interests and lots to talk about.
2. Clubs and Shared Interests
Clubs are not just for students! There are so many interesting groups that you can join, such as book clubs, intramural sports, crafting meet ups, dance classes, language exchanges, and groups for any other hobby you may have.
Meetup.com and Facebook groups are great places to start looking for friends with shared interests. If you don’t see or hear of a club that interests you, this might be your sign to start your own.
In the fall, I’m planning to start a cooking club where members explore international cuisines and take turns leading!
3. Gyms and Athletic Meetups
Are you interested in fitness? As someone who loves living an active lifestyle, I find myself gravitating toward people who love to work out. I consider health and wellness to be core pursuits of mine, values that are only strengthened by meeting other enthusiasts.
I joined a new gym in March that offers a ridiculous amount of group classes, spanning from spin classes to line dancing classes. Because it’s a bit of a smaller gym, there’s a warm sense of community, and I tend to run into the same people.
Group classes create a great opportunity to strike up a conversation with someone nearby and make plans to work out together again.
4. Become a Regular
The key to transitioning from acquaintanceship to friendship lies in consistency and effort. You will want to go to the same places on a regular basis to create room for friendships to launch.
Visit a gym, coffee shop, library, church, or your location of choice regularly. With time, you will naturally recognize faces and feel comfortable engaging with other regulars. Repetition makes it easier to strike up conversations or simply say hello.
It’s a bit like when we were in high school or college, where friendships formed effortlessly through proximity. Next comes the typical progression of making plans. Once you make it into friend territory, you will want to establish regular rhythms with new friends to build on the momentum you’ve gained and create a strong foundation for the friendship.
In other words, strike while the iron is hot!
5. Church
Similar to the points made in the gym section, connections formed through religious meetings and young adult groups can lead to fulfilling friendships because they are built on shared values.
Whether you are still searching for answers or were raised in a religious context, people in said settings are often looking for similar things: deeper purpose, spiritual development, and friendship.
Churches frequently host events, creating repeated opportunities for potential connection. I find myself challenged and supported in many of these group settings through honest conversations about what the Christian faith requires of us, especially in times when expressions of faith can be countercultural.
6. Professional Networks and Coworking Spaces
I recently worked at a coworking space, Industrious. It was a lovely experience, where I got to break up my projects by talking to fellow workers. It was easy to relate to the people around me, given that most of us worked remotely and wanted to get to know each other.
I could easily see myself befriending other coworkers if I were to go a bit more consistently.
Similarly, business networking events can be a great place to connect with others and exchange ideas within and outside of your industry. Most cities have organizations like the Nashville Chamber of Commerce where you can connect with other professionals.
For many people who are still discovering their passions and careers, this is a great space to bring curiosity and learn about the day-to-day life of someone in another industry!
7. Parties and Gatherings
I recently met a wonderful friend at my neighbor’s birthday party! Birthdays are usually such joyous occasions, creating a welcoming and open environment for making friends. It helps that you have mutual love and appreciation for the birthday girl or boy and can exchange treasured memories and stories of how you met.
Hosting and attending gatherings provides a great outlet to form connections over good food, mutual interests, and celebrating life together. If you’re hosting, encourage each of your friends to bring someone you haven’t met. Whether you are putting on a dinner party or attending a friend’s, you will quickly find yourself in an organic situation for building friendship.
I encourage you to go to events where maybe you only know one person in attendance, or none at all. This helps work that socializing muscle and can expand your mind, breaking you out of your daily orbit.
8. Social Media
Although not very organic, there is a place for online friendships. The key is taking these relationships off of social media and doing life together.
When I moved to a new city, I searched LinkedIn for connections where I was living. Surprisingly, I found that many alumni from the university I went to were now living and working in my new city, along with friends from high school and mutual connections from study abroad.
Likewise, social media can keep you up to date on weekly events, meetups, and reminders of who lives in your same city! Don’t be afraid to reach out to a connection who lives in your city. It’s fun to hear the stories that brought people to a new place, job, or adventure. They may even be able to offer tips for acclimating to the culture and landscape of where you’ve moved!
9. Be Open to the Unexpected
Something that makes friendships so special is that there isn’t exactly a formula for success. They’re often cultivated spontaneously, contributing to their magic.
You don’t always know when or where you’ll make your next friend. Sometimes you spark a connection with someone very different from you. On a plane. In line at a coffee shop. At the dog park.
Anywhere and everywhere can be places to meet friends. Remind yourself of this abundance. Extend an invitation to people that you connect with and see where that goes!
10. Saying Yes and Initiating
A key differentiator between making friends in college and post-grad is that after college this pursuit requires more effort. Your friendships don’t simply exist out of convenience, shared classes, and mutual interests anymore. Initiating can often seem scary.
You have less time and more responsibilities. Despite this, say yes often, even when you don’t feel like it. When you meet someone personable, ask for their number and set up a hangout. Become comfortable with taking the first step.
How to Initiate
Say you meet someone who seems like they’d be fun to hang out with. It can be as simple as:
“Hey, you mentioned that you like to hike. I’m planning on going to Percy Warner Park next Friday, and it would be so fun if you joined.”
Then ask for their number! This is an exact conversation I had on Sunday ✨
Another example could be at a coffee shop. You sit next to a girl who seems radiant and friendly. She starts up a conversation, and you chat away. You might even think to yourself, “This person is a stranger, so maybe I should just enjoy the conversation and accept that I might never see her again.”
OR you can say, “It’s been so fun talking to you. It’s rare to meet someone as upbeat and adventurous as you. I’d love to stay in touch.”
It really is that simple.
This method also creates an opportunity to be a good listener and propose a plan that would be interesting for the other person. Maybe they mentioned enjoying live music, and you happen to know of a fun jazz spot with great food and an even better ambience. Then you suggest it to them, and they are excited to try it out.
It’s also okay to just enjoy the moment and allow nature to run its course. I usually prefer to use the momentum of the moment to make a friend!
Life changes so quickly, hardly giving us time to catch up. Our friends and family members move. Almost all of the people I grew up with have relocated, and so have I!
Learning to pursue and cultivate friendships is a skill that will never be obsolete.
Our friends teach us so much about the world and ourselves, a necessary element for growth and fulfilling our need for connection. I hope you finish this blog feeling encouraged about all of the potential opportunities to make new friends, even in times when pursuing friendship feels like a challenge.
If you enjoyed this article, please consider buying me a coffee ☕🤍